a letter to you

still from wicked: for good. directed by jon m. chu.

my dearest friend,

you will never read this — part of me hopes you never will. the other part wishes for you to stalk me like a lover. find something so beautiful about me that it makes you want to return. i know better than such wishful thinking.

we left off on such a minor note. i had always imagined we would finish this chapter with such an extraordinary bang. like a shotgun in the dark, blazing light across its bullet, until death becomes itself and silence consumes. but no bullet struck me as hard as our mindless movement apart — from each other, something we always thought we would know.

i dream of you on my darkest nights. your kindness, your love, your friendship. everything held so dear to me. everything i lost to a silent fight. 

fights against the winds and the tides. something we could not control. a vacant drifting made of nothing but time. time apart became our new normal. time apart that we hadn’t had for thirteen years. over a decade with you lost in a moment of silence. 

i wish i hated you; i wish you hated me. anything to define this space between us. something to make it make any sense. how could we lose what had always been there? i have spent more of my life knowing and loving you than i have not. how can i unravel the parts of me that are so perfectly you?

every single version of me that has existed in all of time and space has been made by the careful threads of fate to love every thread of you.

am i a person without you? am i whole, if so? how am i to know what is to come for me without you by my side? the questions will remain unanswered.

but i know one thing — it was a simple pleasure of mine to be your friend. to know you in a way no one else could. to find comfort in your soul and solace in your heart. i am bewildered by the amount my heart can hold for you. bewildered by the shards of it you have taken with you.

i know i am the person i am because you came in my life. and perhaps, one day, i will be the person i am because you left it. i will be waiting until then.

goodbye, my friend. what a gift it was to know you.

love,

faith

author's note: wow, this feels like a gelphie fanfic. i watched wicked: for good today (SO FREAKING GOOD) and was made painfully aware of my recent friendship breakup. we've all been through it, i'm sure, but there was something rather heart-wrenching seeing it in action. this piece was heavily inspired by for good from the soundtrack. wanted to make note of that for all my wicked-heads out there! kk, i hope you enjoy. love you, mean it, bye-bye!